Just call my name and I’ll be there.

One of the reasons why I started this blog was because I wanted to demonstrate how single people are getting things done. 

We’re not waiting on a Prince/Princess Charming type to come around so that we can finally go travelling, or speak to a mortgage adviser, or trial that business idea, or even check out that adorable Italian bistro at the end of our road. No, we’re taking life by the horns and we’re enjoying every second it has to offer. 

But sometimes we come across those moments in life where we would love to have someone around, someone who is more or less obligated to help us figure it out. 

For example, for me it could be as trivial as overestimating my upper body strength whilst shopping at Lidl. Who is going to help me carry the bags? Do I shell out the £15 Uber fare, or simply take thirty-second lifting breaks for every ten metres I manage to walk back home? 

What about when I host dinner at my place and I’m left with the washing up afterwards? Even worse, a BBQ? Okay, granted, I do have a dishwasher in my flat but if you follow the loading rules correctly (and there are rules everyone, we’re not savages) then you’re bound to be left with the bigger items to wash by hand, plus all the clean up in the living room and the garden. Plus, it’s more than just having a helping hand. Sometimes you just want the company of another person whilst you stuff rubbish into bin liners. 

And then there are the bigger things - when your body forces you to stay at home and rest, due to either planned (i.e. surgery) or unplanned illness. Who is going to look after you until you get better? Will people remember to check on you, even when there’s no significant other of yours to remind them at church on Sunday? Will your friends visit you and keep you company for a bit? And even if they do, what happens when they go home afterwards?

The truth is we can ask ourselves a million questions like these but simply asking them doesn’t solve anything. When Jesus said that worrying doesn’t add a single hour to our lives, he really wasn’t kidding. 

There was a time when I was terrified of growing old alone. It was not necessarily because I wanted to be married and have a family of my own before then (although that is preferred), but because I imagined a life where everyone around me would be too caught up in the lives of their families to remember that I didn’t have one. My parents would grow old and pass on, the only two people ever to be completely focused on my wellbeing, and I would simply have to figure it out without them. 

And of course, the British in me that hates to inconvenience, or bother, or impose would allow me to struggle in silence, hoping that  the power of telepathy would reveal itself and let my loved ones know that I needed a bit of help. 

However, I’m so glad that God, by his incredible grace and with much patience, has opened my eyes to see that my singleness is not just my perceived weakness, but in fact my biggest superpower. 

You see, being single allows me to step into the gap for others in my community. It gives me the opportunity to be the person that I long for in the times when I need it. Lauren Windle recalls something similar in her book Notes on Love:

“During 2020’s COVID-19 lockdown, I coordinated a team of church volunteers who could support vulnerable people in our parish with shopping, errands, and prescription collections. When I looked at my list of volunteers, I always jumped for the single people first. In the fast paced, uncertain times, I needed people who could just mobilize, and experience showed me that they were best placed to do that. Married people and those with families were incredibly valuable, but far more likely to respond the following day or send a placeholder while they checked with their partner what they would be able to commit to. There is nothing wrong with that at all. But at a time of relative emergency, it was the single people who carried the operation.”

Friends, we are the first responders in our community. We have the freedom to show up, make room, clear schedules, open doors, and be there for whoever needs it, whether our fellow single friends, our married friends or our extended church families.

Tonight, I visited a church member living on their own with mobility issues. I reminded them that their church community has not forgotten about them. This week, I will accompany a friend to the hospital for surgery and I plan to stay with them at home until their recovery. 

Their friends and family were greatly touched by what they feel is an extremely kind and sacrificial gesture. But for me, I’m just trying to build the kind of family that I pray looks after me in the same way when the time comes.