New Year - same me?
Hello everyone! Firstly, I would like to say a big thank you to everyone who has read my first blog post, subscribed for more, or has been super encouraging either way. It’s a bit scary to put yourself out there about something that you personally live through and sometimes struggle with, so thank you for embracing me and my story. I hope it can help you too.
As we’re still in January, I think it’s socially acceptable for me to talk about the New Year (capitals make everything way more official, am I right?).
A new year can be met with a variety of responses. There are some for whom a new year brings that booked holiday, wedding, or other major life event that little bit closer. For others, it’s a chance to escape the challenges and disappointments of the previous year and look to better things ahead (on behalf of 2020 and 2021, I sincerely apologise!). Yet again, there are others who seize the new year as a chance to reinvent themselves, set goals, and dust off their vision boards. For them, the clichéd phrase ‘new year, new me’ is a guiding mantra for the next 12 months - or the next 12 days at the very least.
As a single person, I can admit that finding progression in the new year can be tough. When there’s one part of your life that has yet to materialise, and you give it enough head space to fixate on it, it can easily overshadow any sense of joy or accomplishment from the previous year, along with any hope and expectation for the next. Maybe you were hoping your ‘new year, me’ would come with a new relationship too, but that hasn’t happened yet. Or maybe your year ended with a break-up, leaving you to reconfigure what your new year looks like without them.
One way to respond to a new year in light of the above might be to simply resign yourself to the pain and disappointment of being single for another year. After all, disappointment cannot hurt you too much if you’re expecting it. Sure, you gave God a chance to fix things but he clearly doesn’t feel like your marital status is something that needs to change this year. Best to leave that hope in 2023; your heart is safer that way.
A second response might be to apply greater pressure to ‘make it happen’. This will be the year I meet someone, this will be the year that I fall head over heels in love with nothing standing in my way. Naturally, you focus on making outward changes to improve your chances - changing your wardrobe, working out at the gym more, etc - as this is far easier to accept as the reason things didn’t work out last year, rather than the truth that not every year promises us a life-changing romance story like our surrounding culture says it should.
The problem is that neither option deals with our disappointment in a healthy way, nor does it grow realistic expectations for the year ahead. Therefore, here are some of my suggestions for how to stay grounded and hopeful for the new year:
Bring your honest feelings to God and to trusted people - this tip will be a recurring theme in this blog, and a subject that I will likely dedicate a separate post to. It is so important to be honest about any pain or disappointment you feel about being single. God can handle our feelings; he is not offended or surprised by them. What he longs for the most is for us to turn to him with them instead of wallowing deeper into self-pity or turning to other coping mechanisms as a way of escape. Pray and talk to the God who is near to the brokenhearted (Ps. 34:18). When you’ve done that, share your feelings with someone you trust, who doesn’t mind sitting with you in the difficult emotions and isn’t too quick to patch things up with empty advice or sentiment. It’s okay not to feel okay about being single sometimes; it doesn’t make you weak or pathetic.
Pursue gratitude daily - there is honestly nothing like being thankful on a regular basis to remind yourself that God is so faithful. Although there might be one aspect of your life that still feels TBC, there are many more things we can celebrate and thank God for. This year, I have a three year journal. Okay, before you freak out, it only provides for a couple of lines each day, which is just enough for me to write a prayer of gratitude to God for anything at all - the beauty of nature, the warmth of family and friends, the excitement of work and play. Try and practice gratitude daily, bringing with it fresh perspective and refreshed hope.
Remember that you are being renewed daily - 2 Corinthians 3:18 says that we are “being transformed into [God’s] image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit”. Forget ‘new year, new me’ - it’s all about ‘new day/hour/minute, new me’! Even when you feel like your life is stuck on the same page, God is continuously transforming you to look more and more like him. You are not the same person you were yesterday, last week, last month, or even last year. The world around us will focus on the external aesthetic, but God focuses on the heart. Therefore, seek more opportunities to draw closer to him in prayer, meditation on Scripture, worship, and fellowship with other followers of Jesus. Watch as these disciplines sharpen your godly character and cause you to flourish. Not to mention that such traits are irresistible to potential Christian partners who are about that life too!
Finally, I know it’s tough. No-one likes to start a new year feeling like it’s more of the same. I spent the last few days of 2023 getting over an Instagram DM from a guy I met twice, who sought to let me know - rather abruptly - that he wasn’t attracted to me romantically, when I casually suggested meeting up for a hot chocolate some time. It’s a cold winter at the moment!
But don’t lose hope. Learn to hold your desires tightly enough to have faith that God sees you and is faithful to respond, but loosely enough to welcome whatever that response might look like. God is good. He withholds no good thing from us, and I pray that 2024 will be filled with an abundance of good things.
